Five First-Date Don'ts

Dating blogger John Ortved has been going on more than his fair share of first dates lately. Based on his experiences, here are five dating flubs we should all try to avoid on future dates.


One unfortunate symptom of the single life is the first date. I think, objectively speaking, I'm good, not great at it. But because I'm single, and now it's kind of part of my job (though it feels incredibly weird, and more than a little off-putting to hear that), it's something I've had much practice with as of late. Here are a few things that I've learned not to do on a first date:

1. Don't Drag Out the Inevitable
If your first reaction is "Oh, NO!," realize that you don't owe him more than a drink (or dinner, if that's what you're doing, though I suggest coffee/drink for a first time). Don't extend your pain, and his, if you know from first sight that you're not interested. A couple weeks ago I met a hip director (and soccer player) for a drink. After we'd finished our cocktails, I asked if she'd like another, or something to eat — I wasn't loving the date, but was happy to explore further — to which she replied "no thanks." She didn't make up an excuse about work or having to get up early, just "no thanks." And that was just fine. Preferable, in fact.

2. Don't Talk About Other Boys
How do you not know this already? If he's insecure (and you have to figure because this is a first date he's going to be at least a little nervous), it's going to make it worse, and if he's super secure and confidant, he's going to think you aren't. Just avoid the topic.

3. Don't Talk About Sex
Unless you're going to have it, in which case, it's still sexier not to discuss it first. But generally speaking, this taboo topic is best saved for later dates. You have tons of time to show him you're a Catwoman, not a kitten; it doesn't need to be implied in the first hour. I've seen this work badly on both ends. Once a first date told me I had freaked her out by telling her that a friend of mine had been a dominatrix in college (true fact … and I didn't just blurt it out … we were talking about the weird things people have to do in college to make money). On the other side, one first date told me how she was really good at performing a certain sex act. I was curious, but mostly I just thought it was odd.

4. Don't Kiss Him If You Don't Want To See Him Again
It was fun but you don't want to hear from him again, peck on the cheek. Easy as that.

5. Don't Be Late
Being late, even fashionably so doesn't keep me on the edge of my seat, or increase my anticipation, it just makes me think she's kind of a jerk who doesn't mind keeping people waiting.


These are just guidelines. Obviously every first date is different, as is every guy you will go on a first date with. So suss it out, and maybe don't pick up the phone when you see it's your ex boyfriend calling.